today is the day...to walk together. (an action post.)

High school.  It doesn’t matter if it was five days or five decades ago, it seems like just yesterday and a lifetime ago all at the same time.   Remember the guy who got picked on all of the time?  Was it the guy who wore his backpack over both arms and leaned forward when he walked talking to himself every second of the day?  Or the girl with the crooked glasses who broke out in a sweat when she accidently looked anyone in the eye? 

Was it you? 

The bigger question is what did you do to support or empower or protect that kid?  What did you do that helped to change the course of that person’s life? 

My friend Dan came into my office the other day and sat down to talk about a project we are working on together.  But somehow he started talking about a kid named Ricky Jones.  He smiled when he said his name and he did that thing that most of us do when we are remembering someone, he tilted his head and his eyes drifted in the direction of a memory. 

He told me about the long days for Ricky Jones, the ones that almost killed him. 

Ricky had been an outsider ever since he was a little boy.  His parents were odd and had pretty major issues of their own, so Ricky didn’t really stand a social chance.  He was that kid who waited at the bus stop in silence and didn’t dare try to engage with anyone.  He loaded first in line, sat in the front and got off immediately.  He went straight to class and never looked forward to seeing a friend…because he didn’t have any.  He hurt inside, but never cried a tear in front of anyone. 

He was afraid that if he did, the others would attack like desperate lions suffering a famine. 

Ricky made fine grades.  Rickey never caused a problem for any teachers.  Ricky was never late for an appointment.  But he will never look back on high school with fond memories.  He isn’t going to accidently stumble upon his prom pictures or his superlatives or his letter jacket and remember “the good ole’ days.”  He doesn’t have any of those. 

But he will remember that Tuesday in April when Dan, the guy he never talked to but knew from a distance, stuck up for him. 

A couple of the high school jerks…oh, come on now, you know exactly the guys I am talking about.  We might not call them by the same name, but they were those guys.  You know them as well as I do.  Anyway, a couple of the high school jerks were walking behind Ricky in the hallway on the way to class.  They weren’t doing anything horrible in the sense that they weren’t touching him or throwing anything or harming him physically, but they were beating him up mentally.  Ricky kept walking straight ahead, just hoping to get to class or run into a teacher or disappear in a cloud of smoke until the end of the day. 

But that hallway magically got longer and longer.

He looked down the row of lockers praying for the harassment to stop.  And out of nowhere, Dan turned the corner.  Dan was athletic, but not a super jock.  He was good looking, but not homecoming king.  He was well liked, but not class president. 

He was a normal guy. 

The next few moments were blurry for Ricky.  No words were spoken.  The language was in eye contact and body language.  Dan stared down the jerks and the jerks somehow got broader shoulders and stood their ground.  Silence hung in the air and was heavy and thick and scary.  But Dan did something that surprised Ricky.  As Ricky and the collection of jerks got closer to where Dan was walking, Dan stopped.  He turned around and started walking with them.  He stayed close to Ricky, and even closer to the jerks.  And no one said anything.  He was a wall of protection and Ricky not only made it to class, but it made it through high school.  Something changed for him that day and no one ever picked on him again in the same way. 

Dan changed Ricky's life when he stopped walking away and started walking with him.

You could see the satisfaction on Dan’s face when he was telling me about this moment.  But what made his smile bigger was when he told me that he recently ran into Ricky.  They’re older now - like have grandchildren that are out of college older. 

But after the niceties and typical haven’t-seen-you-in-awhile exchanges, Ricky kind of leaned in and said, “You know, Dan, when we were younger you were the only person who was ever nice to me.” 

Ricky extended his hand.  The two grown men shook goodbye. 

And then Ricky turned around and started walking with his wife of forty-some years, holding hands, happy. 

~ today is the day...for you ~

Today is the day to stop what you are doing and walk with someone who needs it. 

~ how to ~

We all have someone in our life who could use the reminder that we are “right here.”  Who is that for you?  Today is the day that you are going to reach out to that person to tell them that no matter how difficult the divorce, how dreadful the illness, how tight the money, how ugly the reality…you are right here walking next to them.

 

You can do this in a number of ways:

·         Send a note

·         Ask them if you can come over and make dinner with them

·         Run errands for them or maybe even together

·         Compliment them in front of other people

·         Take care of something for them – their children, their yard work, house cleaning

Know that your actions, your words, your time may change someone’s life without you even knowing it.  It’s easy to think about doing these things, but we let life and pride and fear of doing something different get in the way. What we need to remember is that everything we do affects someone else.  Everything we do touches people around us in one way or another. 

How will you touch someone's life today?

  

I hope that you'll become a part of this experience & decide to follow today is the day as we take our best of intentions & put them into motion to see what big difference our little actions can make together!

Feel free to post your experience here or email me at tinaattodayistheday@gmail.com.

Don't wait too long. After all...today is the day!

today is the day...to be like Marge. (an experience post.)

I want to be like Marge, so I looked around my house to find an item that I never wanted to give away…and then I gave it away anyway.  It was much harder than I thought it would be.  That vase…no, it looks really good on that shelf.  That painting…no way, I paid good money for that.  My pride and apparently my materialistic and egocentric self came out strong. 

I’m not proud. 

When I was diagnosed with breast cancer back in April I received so many beautiful gifts.  One “collection” I received was seven Willow Tree angels.  It was so weird.  I have seen them over the years and have liked them, but I haven’t received one as a gift or given them any thought in a loooonnnnngggg time.  But, I got seven of them…within six days.  They now sit atop my desk and look over me throughout the days. 

All eight of them. 

You see, I already had one.  It was a gift when Jeff and I got married almost eleven years ago.  And that sweet little angel was calling to me.  It was almost as if she was raising her hand saying, “Oh, oh!  Pick me!  Pick me!”  And so I did. 

I packed her in my bag and headed to work.  That afternoon a co-worker of mine was sitting at her desk and it just felt right.  I walked right up to her and confused the heck out of her!  I totally stumbled over my words and kind of danced around what I was giving her and why. 

Clearly a rehearsal would have been a good idea.

But then I took a breath and said, “I have had this angel for almost eleven years.  It was given to me when Jeff and I got married.  She’s been looking over me and now I want her to be with you.”  She smiled.  She was still somewhat confused.  “Okay, here is a website,” I wrote down my blog.  “This will make sense when you read the most recent entry.” 

So, I have clearly not mastered how to do all of these actions, but I am going to keep trying!  And I hope you are too.  This process, this today is the day thing that we’re doing, it amazes me.  I write and love it.  I wonder if anyone else does.  Suddenly a dozen of you pop up with comments to me about how something I have written touches you.  I smile.  I write an action.  I do it.  It doesn’t feel impactful and then, I get an email like this one from my co-worker, who now has my angel:

I just have to comment on the story about Marge, because last year I began doing those things. I gave my daughter a very special diamond and emerald ring given to me by her father and set in the mounting belonging to my mother.  She was overcome with joy and wears it constantly.  Every time I see her with the ring on her finger, it gives me more joy than I can ever express. I have been doing this for other members of the family.

It truly is a wonderful expression of love and legacy.

I thank you from the center of my heart for your kindness to me and for sharing this practice of

love.  I have found that every treasure I give away has a wonderful story with it and that can be almost as valuable as the gift itself.

I will remember your approach to me, your offering and your sweet face as you told me the story of how you happened by this angel which I now will add to my collection!  Thank you, thank you.

I think a lot of us are guilty in that we think that something didn’t matter unless we get a response.  no hug. no smile. no problem. is a perfect example. And so is this one.  Today is the day to remember that we can start a ripple effect of kindness and goodness even when we didn’t know that we cast the first wave. 

With that, I have a great glass blown paperweight that I love.  I am going to give it to a friend right now.  I don’t really want to, but I feel like I should, so I will.  Maybe I am just trying to prove to you, to myself, that I can do this and that I’m not really that self-centered.  I mean, really, I certainly have enough “stuff” to share.  Do you?

The question now is how should I start this one? “Hey, there was this old lady named Marge who gave her grandchildren everything…”  No.  “Um, I started that blog, you know and…”  No.  “This is one of my favorite and even though I didn’t really want to give it away, I…”  No.  Wish me luck.  This could take a while.

today is the day to give something away...to an unsuspecting someone

I heard about Marge years ago and although I have never met her, I think about her time and again.  She was an older woman with a handful of grandchildren, all of which were well into adulthood.  Her husband had passed away about ten years earlier and although she didn’t have a huge bank account to leave as a legacy to her family, she sure had a lot of love and creativity about her. 

She knew that her days were limited, not because of disease or injury, but because of sheer time.  She was what we would consider very, very old. 

One day she called the grandchildren and requested that they each bring their families to visit with her for some time together.  Some time ago she had thought about what to leave behind when she passed, but something had clicked and she felt as if it was silly to wait. 

The time to do something special was now and she wasn’t willing to wait any longer. 

The days were set for each family to visit and she only had a week to prepare, so she didn’t waste any time.  She started in the kitchen.  Old vases, cherished tea cups and a cake display were collected.  They all found their way to the dining room table. 

Then she moved on to the living room where she collected a photo of the kids and her hugging tightly with their lake house in the background, as well as a beautiful prayer blanket and an aged Scrabble set.  The rest of the house allowed her to spend time with other memories – baby bonnets, bingo chips, books with pages folded over for easily reference, knick knacks collected over the years and antiques passed down from previous generations. 

After days had passed and Marge finally sat down to evaluate her progress, her dining room was covered with items spilling of precious memories. 

Marge took the rest of the week to sort out every item.  She felt like a child waiting for Santa to arrive.  The anticipation was nearly overwhelming, so much that her heart did a flip every time she thought about bringing her family together in the coming days.

That Sunday her grandson, Mike, his wife and their four children came to visit their Nana Marge.  When they came through the door, they could tell that something was different.  Their Nana was clearly excited to see them, but it was more than that.  She had the same warmth and smile as always, but still, it was something else.  “Nana, why do you look different?” the sixteen-year old asked with her head tilted slightly to the side, as she questioned her great grandmother.  Marge chuckled and replied with a sweet, “I’m happy, honey.  That’s all.”

Marge led her family into the living room where she asked them to be seated.  One by one she brought out gifts.  She presented each of them as if she were presenting an offering to royalty. 

As she handed the ceramic cake display to Mike’s wife, she shared that this had been a wedding gift when she had been married to her husband over sixty years ago.  She talked about how every cake – birthdays, anniversaries, promotions, births – had spent time perched on top of that very display.  The prayer blanket went to her grandson and she told him about the love and care that went into it as the ladies at church hand created this piece of art for his grandfather shortly after he received the diagnosis that ended his life.  She hoped that he would feel his grandfather’s guiding hand when he wrapped himself tightly in the warmth of the cloth.  The Scrabble set went to her great granddaughter and Marge told her about countless nights sitting around the table with her own children playing Scrabble until they nearly fell asleep challenging each other’s words and sharing what would have usually been kept secret from parents by teenagers and young children. 

The time went on like this, with her sharing a hand-picked gift, memories and life lessons with each of Mike’s family members.  When the family left, they had a new appreciate for Nana Marge and they were deeply touched by her gifts.  Marge had tried to explain the profound joy she felt in sharing her life through these pieces with the people she loved the most, but she really couldn’t put it into the right words. 

When the sun rose, she did the same thing with the next set of family members.  And she did again and again, until everyone was accounted for and all of the pieces had been properly dispersed among them. 

That final night of gifting, Marge found herself sitting in her lounge chair staring at the room around her.  There was a place on the wall where she felt like she could still see the painting which had been there for twenty seven years.  But she couldn’t.  It was, instead, hanging on her granddaughter’s wall admired by everyone who came to visit her beautiful home.  She glanced at the fireplace mantel and sighed a loving sigh when she thought of the yellow vase that had seen more flowers over the years than most gardens.  And her heart warmed as she looked down at the picture her granddaughter had sent of it in its new home with purple tulips spilling over the side. 

Marge realized that by gifting the people she loved the most, she was also gifting herself.  A part of her would be with each of them for so many reasons, but this was special.  And she didn’t need all of that stuff to remember her life, to remember the people and things that were important to her.  As a matter of fact, giving away the things that meant the most brought back every memory and moment with great clarity and a feeling of deep love that Marge could have never imagined.

~ today is the day...for you ~

Today is the day for you to give away something of value to an unsuspecting someone.

~ choose something that has meaning to you ~

Something from your home like a serving dish, a special candle holder or a piece of furniture

An item from your garage like a tool handed down from your father or a wooden bowl made on your lathe years ago

An antique tucked away for fear or breaking or losing it

A piece of jewelry made by your aunt or given to you by your grandmother that she wore on her wedding day

I highly suggest you choose an item which has been in your care for some time, quite possibly years.  There is a place and time to make something for your friends and family, but this is the time to give something away that has had a place in your life, in your home. 

It may quite well be difficult.  After all, it’s hard for us to give away things of value and sentiment.  Too often in our culture we are defined by the things that sit in our driveway or on our mantle.  When really, nothing in our possession tells the rest of the world who we are. 

But our actions…well, that’s a different story.  Today is the day to show generosity and love by giving away something that might have seemed important to your life just yesterday. 

I hope that you'll become a part of this experience & decide to follow today is the day.

as we take our best of intentions & put them into motion to see what big difference our little actions can make together!

Feel free to post your experience here or email me at tinaattodayistheday@gmail.com.

Don't wait too long. After all...today is the day!

today is the day...i heard some things (an experience post.)

I shushed myself!  I know, I know, for those of you who know me well, that was hard.  And from the messages that several of you sent me, it wasn’t the easiest thing for you to do either.  But it was nice, wasn’t it?  It was nice for me to free myself of the pressure of trying to think of what to say next.  I was just, well…present. 

And I learned a few things during that time. 

My kids don’t actually fight all of the time.  I really thought the two older ones (ages 9 and 7) fought every waking moment of the day.  But in reality what might have sounded like fighting when I was talking was actually singing together.  I heard that when I shushed myself.  It wasn’t normal singing though.  It was singing combined with giggling, which was like listening to puppies wrestle while making those little sweet whining noises. 

I couldn’t help but to smile. 

And the giggling got even louder as I realized that they were dancing in their seats singing a popular Disney Channel song and changing the first letter of each word to the letter “Z” so “You don’t know you’re beautiful” becomes “Zoo zon’t znow zou’re zeautiful.”

But that giggling.  Man, that’s good stuff. 

And my silence was broken when I found myself humming along to “Zoo zon’t znow” and the sound of my own laughter floated through the air.  It was simple.  It was great.  And it was a moment I would have missed if I had been talking. 

I wasn’t at work this week, so my silent time was mostly around the house and therefore, around my kids.  I heard the slight lisp in words of my three-year old.  The words “Yes Mama” come out as “Yeth Mama” and it was so sweet that made me want to take her in my arms and squeeze her tight for being so young and innocent and cute. 

So I did. 

There were all kinds of sounds that took over my day – birds outside on the feeder, dogs barking in the distance, neighbors having a conversation, bike tires running over gravel, a basketball swishing through the net, pages of a book being turned.  These weren’t necessarily life changing sounds, but they were life being lived and I have to admit that when I am so busy talking and rushing, I often forget that life is actually being lived around me. 

It was a simple action.  It was a good day. 

And I should probably shush myself again in the very near future.  I mean, come on, I wouldn't want to miss crazy songs, uncontrollable laughter or sweet little lisps.